Suffered a double blow today. Out of which, I'm utterly ashamed with one. Still suffering in agony, despite a win at Anfield today, which is supposed to be a joyous ocassion for me.

To start off, I had finally received my application outcome (from one of the three Polytechnics which I had applied to; shan't mention which Polytechnic it is) this morning. Sad to say that I've failed, once again. It was an expected outcome though. However, I'm still feeling bitter over it. Silly me. I thought the earlier I applied, the better chances I have. But it wasn't working this way. I had really thought that Biomedical Sciences is one of the "cold" course. But I was wrong, until my brother's girlfriend told me about it.

Surprisingly, the course of my love - Banking / Accounting - isn't as "hot" a course as Biomedical Sciences. How wrong I was! But still, I ain't able to get in to either of the courses. I'm really dejected. For the whole of the morning, I kept pondering over what went wrong. At the same time feeling utterly ashamed of myself. My ex-classmates are already in their third year come the new semester. Some of them will be going for their second year too. What about me? Still in doubt. If this Polytechnic can reject me, I really see no reason why the other two can't. I'm at a loss.

Another blow. She had left the guild. I brought her in, and chased her away after a year and two months plus. What an idiot I am! I destroyed this friendship with my own hands. It'll be hard to mend it back. I know I've hurt her deeply. I shouldn't have pen down my thoughts. I shouldn't have typed those stuffs in the previous posts. I.. perhaps. This blog shouldn't have existed in the first place.

Reminiscing the times where we were the best of friends (well, that's one-sided thinking of me actually =/), I can't help feeling ashamed of myself. Our relationship were really good. But now, I've destroyed it completely.

What a jinx I am! Following this incident, I can't help thinking what happened over the past few months. I had chased another guild mate away as well. And I've just chased a second one, too. There's most likely to be a third one. I'm really ashamed of myself. I couldn't face my guild mates anymore. Devastated. Couldn't think well.. couldn't type well.. couldn't...

Tell me, what's there for me to stay on anymore?

I should have been happy tonight as Liverpool had finally won Arsenal after a total of two years and four months. It should call for a celebration. But I can't. Congratulations to our hat-trick hero, Peter Crouch, anyway.