Was reading the blog of my ex-classmate of kindergarten the other day and it made me realised how failure I am as a friend.

I'm always hoping for a true and lasting friendship. I mean, who doesn't?
But as what people always said, "things don't always go your way".
I've been through failed friendships.
I thought I've learnt from them, only to realised it's useless no matter how much you give in.
They'll still end it the same way.
I'm so envy of people who've friends who's been through ups and downs with them.
I've friends who have friends (sisters, as they called) that they've known since their primary school days and secondary school days.
After my failed friendship in secondary school, I thought I'll be able to make some good friends in ITE.
I did, yeah.
But it doesn't last long.
Barely less than half a year.

Am I really such a failure in friendship?
Or, like dear said, perhaps I haven't met the one?
Cried when pouring out these to dear the other day.
Well, perhaps it's all fated.
Fated that I'll be lonely for life.
Felt like crying whenever I look back at brother's wedding the other day.
Thought of the fun that they had with sister-in-law's sisters.
And this inevitably brought me to think of my future, my wedding.
Will mine be lively like sister-in-law's?
Hah, well.. I guess not.
There won't be a single soul, sister I mean, for sure.

So yup, I'm back to square one.
After all these that I've gone through, I guess it's best that I return to the past me who doesn't talk much, staying as a loner.
Well, here's what I learnt very recently..
Keeping quiet is the only way to not irritate someone.

I seriously have no idea what the hell I did that made me being disliked.
Rather than getting backstabbed and hearing hurtful remarks, and being treated that way, it's best that I call it quits.
It's already a mistake that I started off.
And I'm not even considered as one long ago, anyway.
Or perhaps, right from the beginning.

Nothing ever lasts for me.

Dear is the only true friend I have, if you considered him one.
I felt so helpless if he ain't around.
I guess I'd really be deemed a true loner if dear ever leaves me one day.
Looking forward, I wonder what am I going to do when dear begins his NS. Hah.

Labels: Down, Reflection