Alright, so this is going to be yet another emo entry. Just get outta here if you don't like it alright?

Ain't a new year supposed to be a fresh start to everything? And didn't I said I'll let go? But why did I yet again felt a sense of emptiness? No, this time it ain't about her. Dear should be glad I suppose.

I just felt so lost now. Two matter's on my mind. Dear is again working and I've no one to turn to. No idea what time he's off work. Might not get to message him tonight. No idea when I'll be able to do that too, since he'll be working for two shifts for the next two days. There's the pooh bear given by dear. But it's still a bear afterall and can never replace a person. I felt so helpless. Why must I always go through these?

I felt so useless, betrayed, hurt, lost of direction.. And I'm back to square one. I'm really beginning to hate something else now too. It's just an illusion, a dream.. for a short period of time. Perhaps, it was never meant to be this way. Yep, it's just my illusion. I drew the picture too beautifully. And I'm so easily taken in. And I'm now once again being drawn to that situation three/four years back. It's like a cycle. The same thing happened after a few years' time. It was never meant to be mine in the first place.

I realised I've never changed. I give in too much. And I'm still as gullible as before. Really disappointed in myself. *laughs at my stupidity.

Is it always this way - if you gain something, you'll lose something else?

And I realised that I'm actually quite emotional. I used to thought I'd only cry watching sad and touching scenes from dramas, only to found out this ain't true recently. So I actually do cry easily. No wonder it's often said that women are made of water.


Things ain't as perfect as it may seem. And it's not as simple as you may think. Don't judge a book by its cover.

If only fan is here.. she'll probably be able to get me out of this situation. But even if she did tried, I doubt I'll easily get over it.

I'm missing you so much... Can I listen to that song to continue on my emo-ness?
I'm sorry dear, that I had to made you worry again, right on a brand new year.. =(

Labels: Down, Emo, Hurt, Moodless