21.06.2015

不知不觉，已经一个月了。。

我还是好想你、好爱你。。

我还会不时地想起你。偶尔，眼眶还会带点泪。。

为什么总是让我经历这些。。？

我真的好累、好累。。

Labels: Feelings, Hurt, Misses

Will be leaving Singapore tomorrow..

I really hope, the day I return will be the day I forget everything.

This is just so torturing.. The scar and the hurt inflicted, will never be gone, ever. Thanks for bringing me to my senses. I know I'm just so gullible. People said, "once bitten, twice shy". I fell once, but I fell for it again. I don't hate you for what you did to me for the first time. But this time, enough is enough. I hate to say this, but seriously, I hate you so. Seriously, I really hate myself for not letting you go long ago, or rather, for giving you a chance. I've only myself to blame, for my soft-heartedness which I guess you've seen through it long ago, which is why you had another chance of inflicting these to me once again. Thanks, seriously. I'll be on my guard. Trust me, I'll never be such a fool again. Despicable jerk. There're hell loads of ugly words to describe you, but no, I don't wanna pollute my blog.

Labels: Holidays, Hurt, Past, Shopping, The End

It was the wedding of sister-in-law's brother yesterday. Actually, I'm sorry to say this, but I really don't feel like going. I'm sure no one who has just gone through a failed relationship (and is an injured party) will want to attend such ceremony.

A song was being played as the bride and groom marched in. It was "endless love". Those memories were back.. I remember making a video of us with this song around this time last year. Immediately my eyes turned watery. Thank goodness the lights were off during that period. And I managed to held back my tears before the lights turned on.

This dinner's like arrows peircing through my heart.. each time so deeply.. and bleeds..

I wasn't.. at all happy.


I thought my tears for you had stopped, only to realise it actually hadn't.

Labels: Down, Hurt, Reminiscence

Alright, so this is going to be yet another emo entry. Just get outta here if you don't like it alright?

Ain't a new year supposed to be a fresh start to everything? And didn't I said I'll let go? But why did I yet again felt a sense of emptiness? No, this time it ain't about her. Dear should be glad I suppose.

I just felt so lost now. Two matter's on my mind. Dear is again working and I've no one to turn to. No idea what time he's off work. Might not get to message him tonight. No idea when I'll be able to do that too, since he'll be working for two shifts for the next two days. There's the pooh bear given by dear. But it's still a bear afterall and can never replace a person. I felt so helpless. Why must I always go through these?

I felt so useless, betrayed, hurt, lost of direction.. And I'm back to square one. I'm really beginning to hate something else now too. It's just an illusion, a dream.. for a short period of time. Perhaps, it was never meant to be this way. Yep, it's just my illusion. I drew the picture too beautifully. And I'm so easily taken in. And I'm now once again being drawn to that situation three/four years back. It's like a cycle. The same thing happened after a few years' time. It was never meant to be mine in the first place.

I realised I've never changed. I give in too much. And I'm still as gullible as before. Really disappointed in myself. *laughs at my stupidity.

Is it always this way - if you gain something, you'll lose something else?

And I realised that I'm actually quite emotional. I used to thought I'd only cry watching sad and touching scenes from dramas, only to found out this ain't true recently. So I actually do cry easily. No wonder it's often said that women are made of water.


Things ain't as perfect as it may seem. And it's not as simple as you may think. Don't judge a book by its cover.

If only fan is here.. she'll probably be able to get me out of this situation. But even if she did tried, I doubt I'll easily get over it.

I'm missing you so much... Can I listen to that song to continue on my emo-ness?
I'm sorry dear, that I had to made you worry again, right on a brand new year.. =(

Labels: Down, Emo, Hurt, Moodless

22.09.2008 & 23.09.2008

Terrible days for me at work as I had to bear with the pain of my feet due to those blisters. And yes! Blisters are back! Argh! They're just so unsightful. =( Other than that, I thought I had already recovered from stomach flu (as sister-in-law referred to as), but in actual fact I hadn't. I was feeling real terrible for these two days.

Probably long hours of computer usage adds on to my terrible-ness, too. Felt a lil hungry, yet had no appetite after getting dinner. But despite this, I still managed to put on weight. How weird could that be? =\ And once again, I've made dear worried again. I'm so sorry, dear..

Work was alright. Colleagues, who are on attachment as well, are really fun to mixed around with. One of the guys, YT, is sucha joker! Adding a bit a lame-ness as well? =X Haas. Seriously, they really made my day. Thanks guys, I really had fun with you. =)

Oh, and this brought me to something else. It's regarding what happened after work on Monday. Dear should know what I'm talking about. I'm sorry to have said that, and felt that way. But you're really silly, dear. I know this don't linked, but just look at Babylon2. I mean, how I treated Babylon2. I've been there for like 65 levels? That's about 1 year and 8 months. I believe you know what happened after that. And the only time I left was when I feel that I no longer have the "face" to stay on in Babylon2, after that Wild Cargo thingy. (and I still remember who that guy is okay!<>.<>) That's how loyal and devoted I am. Look, it's just a guild, yet I treated it that way. What's more, we're talking about a relationship here. So dear, I know it's hard, but try not to bear those silly thoughts in your mind anymore, okay? =)


24.09.2008

Never a day in my life did so much happened. (blah, lousy English.)

Didn't went to work as I was feeling real terrible. That uneasy feeling just won't go away. My feet needs to get some rest too.

Thank goodness I didn't went for work today. I found out something when I woke up. And no, I'm not going a mention a word about something so serious here. Every moment now, I'd think of negative stuffs that might happen. At home, that is. I'm just so afraid you see.

Third trouble of the day. Mum spoke to me again. And I was really.. Ahh, I don't know how to put it. But thank goodness Mum's room was quite dark at that time, else she'd had seen my tears. =\

Dear's really sweet to have come all the way from Ang Mo Kio to bring me to the doctor. Thanks, dear. =) What you said, really touched me you know. Had wanted to visit the doctor initially, but something happened and I decided not to go in the end.

I emailed the whole matter (trouble number three) to second sister-in-law in the night. And it so happened that she's online today. We chatted, and she's behind me. Thanks, second sister-in-law. =) She's always the best candidate to address my relationship problem. I know eldest brother and sister-in-law will be behind me, too. Right? Seriously, their words and support are what keeps me going. x3 I didn't tell dear about this though. =X But I know he'll come to know about this when he SPYS on my blog, right? =D


25.09.2008

Stomach hurts so much in the morning. And it was only until the fourth or fifth time that I managed to cure it. I know that's not the word to use, but well, I just couldn't thought of a word to replace that at the moment. Went in to the office and one of the lady had a chat with me. She dislikes me, I know. The conversation we had today totally hurts me and brought me to tears. Damn. I really hate myself. Had wanted to solve the problem personally but couldn't get to see the boss. Then I had no choice but to take leave.

I broke down in front of dear. And that was the first time I suppose? =\ Argh. Really, seriously, damn. I'm sucha weako. Reached Jurong East, and was actually heading towards 98, until my intuition told me that my favourite bus's arriving. I looked over, and it really is. But then, I saw only one person queuing for the bus, so I'm not really sure if it's coming over. Anyways, we did get on to the bus. And yea, my mood was seriously brighten up immediately. Oh, and that was the first time we took 234 after we got together, right? =)

I managed to get sister-in-law's help after that. Thanks so much. Seriously, if it weren't for sister-in-law, I really wouldn't know what to do. She's really of a big help to me. And I know I'm right in my decision to ask sister-in-law for help with regards to work and studies.

Terrible headache since afternoon. Had wanted to look for cookies' recipes online but had to put a halt to it. =(

Oh and before I forget, I listened to one of the songs from Raymond Lam's second album today. That was the second third one actually. First song was actually posted up when I first did Cynthia's quiz. Anyway, that was really nice! Trust me, his voice's as charming mesmerising as always! =D I must get to the music store real soon.


26.09.2008

Problem's solved, I hope. But now, I'm starting to think of the complications, though sister-in-law and dear already told me everything will be fine. I know I'm always thinking alot, but still... Results will be releasing next Thursday, followed by polytechnic application when school reopens I suppose, and I really couldn't help worrying. My greatest wish is to get in to polytechnic and I believe those who knows me very well will know about this. I'm really worried my results and application to the polytechnic might get jeopardised because of this matter.

Thanks dear and sister-in-law for being by my side all these while. Dear especially. I'm really sorry to have made you worried these days. And dear, I'm afraid we won't get to celebrate on that day.. =(

And this is a day of reminiscencing! =D


I'm really afraid of being alone at home. And I must be extra cautious with my keys, too. Argh. Is that how one should behave at home?

Labels: 01.08.2008, Babylon2, CD, Hurt, Reminiscence, Stressed, Troubled

10.09.2008

Second sister-in-law told me that second brother had already know about it. And he's supportive of me. That really was a much-needed boost to my confidence. Thanks, brothers and sister-in-laws. I know you are very supportive of me. x3 With that, I promise I'll hang on no matter what happened. I'll never let you down.

On the other hand, we celebrated fourth uncle's birthday for the first time. Gosh, he must be really touched. Haas. Thank me please. =P


12.09.2008

Spent the whole afternoon doing "something". And finally, there's a proper wallpaper for dear's handphone! =D


13.09.2008

A day I guess I'll never ever forget.

I swear, I'm really cursed by Jurong Point. Argh! No good things ever happens whenever I made a trip there. This is so far, the worst I've ever experienced. And I've made dear really worried. I'm so sorry, dear. =(


14.09.2008

Thought that I'd be alright after a night's rest, but I'm not feeling any better than the previous night. Worst still, I had to wake up early today as it's the Mid-Autumn Festival. =\ Wasn't feeling well and so I had to seize the chance to sit down whenever possible. But the pain was unbearable and I had to asked aunt to let me off at 12pm.

Bought lunch, or should I say previous night's dinner, and crossed the road, heading towards the bus-stop. And just after I crossed the road, someone sounded his horn. I looked over, and what a coincidence! It was uncle! Got in to his car and headed home. I was thinking I must be really lucky to have met uncle, else I wouldn't know what stupid things I'd do if I got home on my own. =X


15.09.2008

Lied (oops =X) to dear so I could go out with him. We headed to Marina for Babylon. (oops, I almost typed "Babylon2" =X) That silly dear of mine must have overlooked something, else we'd have headed to Cineleisure for my Babylon. =X


16.09.2008

Went to look for the place where my attachment is. Thought we'd take a hard time looking for it, but it's not that hard actually. Gotta thank dear for this. =) Saw someone on the way back to Bugis. And dear, I promise I'll never treat you the way that person did okay? x3 Couldn't remember what happened after that. But I made dear real worried again on the way home. I'm so sorry dear. =(


17.09.2008

Didn't went out with dear because dear wants me to rest? Early in the morning, I went downstairs to get bread and I was really happy when I was on my my home. Because the slipper that I long wanted to get rid of, was finally spoilt by I-forgot-how! Yay! Oh, and thank goodness that was just a few steps away from my house, else I wouldn't know how to get back.

Anyway, I did went out on my own. =X I know dear's gonna scold me for this. I went IMM but actually I wasn't feeling that good as I was getting ready. I don't care much already, since there wasn't much time left. Walked the first storey and only managed to get a bottom. Had wanted to go on to the second storey, but that unbearable feeling was back again. Argh! I'm so hoping dear was there with me. And I'm beginning to blame myself, for not listening to him. Decided to visit the doctor right after that. And got a very surprising answer - gastric pain. ~.~


18.09.2008

Was supposed to head over to Raffles Place to get some clothings and heels. But I got real sleepy due to the medication and so wasn't in the mood to do anything. Strolled a little of the centre and I told dear straight that I didn't want to do any shopping today. Actually I was already in a damn mood at that time. I don't know if dear had noticed, but I did threw my temper at him. Now thinking back, I feel so bad about this. I'm so sorry, dear. =(

Headed to Cineleisure for movie again. And I've forgotten about the title yet again. Haas. I don't know where dear was heading to after the movie, but I really gotta thank him for leading the way. Else, I wouldn't have seen This Fashion. We went in and got quite a few clothings. Oh, and I fell in love with that white top at first sight. And I know I must get that. I know I'm never wrong with that. Tried on a black dress as well, but too bad, dear couldn't get to see it. =D

Bugis next. And I really gotta thank dear for his help. I'd be aching all over the next day, if he wasn't around to carry my stuffs. x3


19.09.2008

I'm out on my own again. And I know dear will scold me again. =X But dear, I did walk slowly this time. And miraculously, I'm in a tip-top condition the whole day. =) Went bugis and managed to settle everything at last.

Received a Friendster message from Joe's cousin, Pepsi, an ex-Babylon2 mate. Wonder how he got to know my Friendster account. And I realised something as well. I got deleted off someone's list. Someone. Someone who used to be very close to me. And hurt me time and time again. Now I got deleted. Oh well. Life has to go on still. Why should I still care about this person, when I should have given up this friendship long ago? I just cherish ties. No matter how one treated me. Well well. Shan't brood over this anymore.


Attachment's starting. And I'm now beginning to worry about many things (with regards to the attachment). I won't get to see dear anytime soon, too. But no choice. =( We'll get to see each other very soon, right? You said you want to celebrate the start of every month for I-forgot-what reason. LOL! Maybe, I mean maybe, I may give you a surprise. =D

Lastly, thanks dear for everything. I love you. x3

Labels: 01.08.2008, Babylon2, Birthday, Encouragement, Hurt, Sick

I saw him in the photos...


Tried to put everything behind, but I can't. It still hurts.. dearly...

Labels: Hurt

I'm sick of everthing...

Why I am being treated this way? Why am I being blamed for everything? Why do I felt a sense of ignorance? Why, why? Just why?

I could no longer take it anymore. Tears just flow... and I feel so hurt. So hurt. I've no one to turn to, except blogger. I felt ignored. I could no longer feel the love.. All I could, is to put on a false front in front of them. Who'd care how hurt I am deep inside my heart?

Just what am I to you actually? I've asked myself if I had done anything wrong.. yup, probably there is. But what did I do to deserve that?

Why are you always comparing me others, too? Don't you know how hurt you've inflicted on me? I'm probably lousy, but I believe I hadn't fail in my duties. No matter how tired I am, I'd always make it a point to complete everything.

Yes, I may be uncaring or whatsoever to you. But do you know I care for you like anyone else do? No, you don't. Do you know how much I wanted to show my concern for you? I've tried my best. But I just could not take the initiative to do so.

If you'd still like to compare myself with others, go ahead.

I'm not going on anymore, for I could sense that my tears will be rolling down again.

I'm so hurt. No one could understand how I feel. I could only suffer in silence.

Labels: Hurt, just a nobody

Today

Exams are just eight days away from now. Oh man, it's so fast! I'm not really prepared yet. I haven't even started on my revision for Business Fundamentals. And I know I'm going to flunk this subject anyway. Accounting is still alright, but I'm totally stucked at a question. Argh! Access CA is coming up on the coming Wednesday. I'm still at a loss at times. Argh! How, how?

I must hang on! There's no time for relaxation until 10 days later, where holidays will begin. And both Aringi and Azhar has SMS-ed me regarding the gathering of our Sec 5N batch. It'll be on the day of my last paper, 11 September. I'm still wondering if I should go. After all, I haven't met them for two years. And our relationship, or friendship I should say, has long turned bland. But I miss them. However, I'll be alone in a corner, too, I guess. I doesn't want to see someone, too. Because I know I'll be reminded of the past - what had happened had hurt me deeply.

----------------

HY:

Aww darling. I've just read your post, and I feel bad about it. =X Whenever I learnt that you are having problem, I wouldn't know what to do. I mean, I don't know how I should help you. Don't know how to console you as well. The only thing I can do is to hope everything will be fine for you. But I just doesn't know how to put these into words. =\ Nevertheless, I'll be behind you always. Must stay happy always okay? Jia you in your studies as well! Lastly, now that you are working, you must take good care of yourself okay? <3

Labels: Holidays, Hurt, Miss