*deep sigh*

Ever since that day, I've been dreading drama / movie scenes with characters on their deathbed. The very moment such scenes was telecasted on the television, I'll be automatically brought back to that day where I rushed to hospital, only hear the "toooooo..." sound from the machine, seeing you lying on bed helplessly. Till now, I'm still unable to stop my memories from returning back to that day whenever I heard the "toooooo..." sound.. I guess the demise of you just hit me too much. Even when I was enjoying myself in Taiwan, you never fail to leave my mind.. Many things just reminded me of you; like the cuttlefish which I bought.. Just when I was counting the number of packets to buy, you keep running on my mind.. Cos I know you'll love it if you're still around.

I, too, am still regretting up till now, that I couldn't stay by your side till your last breath.. The day before you passed away, upon knowing that you're afraid and thus would need someone by your side, I had actually planned to visit you right after school the following day.. However, knowing the condition that you're in after we got home that night, I should have skipped my lesson to accompany you.. But I didn't.. I was thinking about it again while on the way to school. However, I still go ahead (to school) because the "no news equal good news" thoughts were all around my mind. That was the only night I had my phone without mute because I'm really worried that something might happen.. Up till I leave home for school, there's no update on your condition, thus I thought your condition was stabalised already. That was why I decided to go ahead with my plan, that is, to visit you after my lesson ends. I really blame myself.. At such point in time, I should've place family before school. I should've really skipped school and accompany you, but I didn't.. I know your biggest worry was grandma.. If I had visited you earlier, I could have assured you that grandma will be well taken care of.. But... Sigh.. It's all "ifs"...

Uncle Peter, I'm so missing you... =(

Hope you won't have to suffer these anymore in the other world.

These has been weighing in my heart since the day you left us.. I've never told anyone about this.. Hopefully with the blogging of this, the load will be lifted a lil.

With the blogging of this, it's time to stop your tears and be brave, gal!

Labels: 17.01.2011, Family, Memories, Regrets