Dear Uncle Peter and Uncle Mao,

EPL 11/12 season kicks off tonight. Are you guys watching up there together? :)

Deeply missed* ❤

Labels: 17.01.2011, 26/03/2008, Misses

As mentioned the other day, my new monitor is now up and running. Hehs. Spent the whole evening clearing and cleaning my table. Dumped loads of rubbish. Oh, and I didn't expect my old monitor to be so heavy. Luckily I could still managed to carry and place it on the floor. Oh well, as the saying goes, "all good things come to an end". It's been with me for about 8 years already and it's sad to say that it's time to say goodbye.

Now my computer set is all black in colour except for my keyboard. I hope and don't hope it gets spoilt soon. =X If it's spoilt, I'll be able to get a new keyboard in black and it definitely looks more pleasing to the eyes. However, there's some memories for this keyboard because if I remember correctly, it was uncle who chose it for me.

I'm glad I've a mini CPU. Now the arrangments and everything just looks pleasing to my eyes. =D

Anyway, I'm finally able to see two speakers, lol. One of the speaker's been hiding behind due to insufficient space. =X

Labels: 26/03/2008, Computer

Reached home earlier on and got the update on uncle. He didn't managed to pull through. =(

I've no idea if I ever met uncle. I was still two or three years old then. And he left for USA with aunt. From what I remember, aunt's the only person who came back ocassionally all these while, while uncle take care of their business. Hence, I've no recollection of uncle.

It's true that such things can't be helped. But no one would want this to happen to any of their family or friends.

I hope aunt and cousins will be alright though this may take quite some time.

It's really hard on aunt, having lost uncle (her brother) two years ago and now, her husband. At such hard time, yet no close kin is there with her, with siblings all in Singapore.

Aunt, remember, we're always here.

RIP, uncle. You'll be missed.

Labels: 26/03/2008, RIP

Two years has passed in a blink of an eye. You've left us for two years already.

I don't know if it's a coincidence or what, but somehow, it seems that Liverpool and Manchester United always played against each other near this day. And that would remind that your anniversary's just days away (in western calendar).

Hope you're doing fine over there.

Missed*

Labels: 26/03/2008

Someone phoned to look for dad earlier on. And maid pronounced his name as yours. I thought, who'd be the one looking for you after one-and-a-half year. =(

Feeling weak all over..

Labels: 26/03/2008

26.03.2009, 29.03.2009

One year seemed to past so fast. Went over for tombsweeping on Sunday and your photo's up already. Time seemed to reverse at that point in time and I was being brought back to that day, the day you got cremated. Images kept floating in my mind. Couldn't sleep again at night. Message-d him at night but he slept halfway replying. Thank goodness brother didn't went factory, so I could sleep in his room. Else, I don't know what time I'll fall asleep that night.

Thanks for being by my side in those few days.

Labels: 26/03/2008

Oh well, spider webs are forming so I guess it's time for some updates.

Shall start off with the first day of the month then!

01.03.2009

It's our 7th monthsary! =) Didn't go anywhere but we did spend the whole day together.

Besides that, eldest brother finally got married! Congratulations! Hehs! Best wishes for a blissful marriage! =) Photos aren't available yet though.


02.03.2009

I drank some red wine yesterday and dear suggested that we skipped school for the day. =\ Woke up at 10am, but am still feeling sleepy for don't-know-what reason. Hence head off to bed again in the noon. And that's how I spent my day. Quite wasted, isn't it? =X


03.03.2009

Quite a short period of stay for relatives from Hong Kong. Five days, if I'm remember correctly. They left today. Thought I could reach home in time, but they left a few minutes before I'm home.


04.03.2009 - 10.03.2009

Had dear's company everyday as he revise and tutors me. x3 But I'm overly-stressed which made me fell sick yet again. And again worries dear. I'm so sorry. =( And the thought of time's running out for me made me throw my temper at dear at times too. I'm sorry again, dear. =(

I'm glad there's dear with me throughout this period, else I could really fell sick, and couldn't understand a single thing of Auditing. Thanks dear! =)


11.03.2009

Last paper for the course. And took my favourite bus to interchange for these two days. Auditing paper ends at 10.35am according to my watch. And so, that spells freedom! Yay! =D

With this, the two-year course had finally ended. I miss school actually. Hah. Miss the teachers there, miss that little study corner where I used to go when I first came, miss everything everything. And of course, it's also because of the course that got dear and I together. Thanks someone of course, for getting us together. =)

Alright, so we headed over to Pastamania to have our lunch before heading to Plaza Singapura to get present for relative. Dear is clever to asked to get that gift. Hah.

Headed home after that, and finally decided to sign up for Asda Story. Got hooked to the game quite shortly after, which I didn't want to. =\ And I actually wanted to return to MapleStory. Well, I guess I should. Asda Story's really killing me. And I really sensed something. =( You may not believe it, but really, I do feel it. Am I too sensitive? Or is it it's exactly how I felt? I really feel like we're drifting. I'm really afraid. I really don't want to be thrown back into the situation we had last month.

I know I should really shorten my playing hours. I really didn't want to return to old path. Alright, shall start from today then.


13.03.2009

Relatives took the early flight back to China. And life's back to normal once again.


14.03.2009

It's Manchester United versus Liverpool today. Liverpool won Manchester United 4-1. Yeah, I'm happy definitely. But I remember this match almost a year back. It was just a few days before that. Liverpool lost the game. And that was the last Manchester United match you ever watched.


15.03.2009

A rather relaxing day at work today. Prime Minister came over for the opening ceremony and aunt keep telling me to seize the chance to get in to the crowd. Hahs. She's so nice. And I guess I'm really lucky to have seen the Prime Minister on both opening ceremonies of the market Mum and Aunt's at. Mum's a few years back when I was in Secondary four or five. Really didn't expect to have another chance again. =D But then again, it was yet another case of so near, yet so far. =X


16.03.2009

It's been days and I finally saw dear again. He won't know how much I miss him. Aiks, it's time I guess. He ain't contacting me as much as before already. Perhaps it's really time I get used to it. It's really worrying me you know?


17.03.2009

Finally decided to go for facial. Was late for an hour and I feel really bad about it. =\ I've decided already, that I'll go alone in the future. Anyway, facial's down at the moment, but the lazy me am still thinking when to turn up for my hair treatment session. Wanted to practise on make-up too, but my make-up kit's with second sister-in-law.

I'm really bored at home at times. Nothing to do, no one to chat with, which makes me start thinking anyhow again. =( And yes, this time it's serious. I've already start thinking of the worst which of course I didn't want to. But I just... it's terrible.


19.03.2009

Been having nightmares, of which two are the same ones. =( (was reminded of it when dear told me he dreamt about something this afternoon) Wanted to have you so much by my side. But I know it's impossible. Couldn't sleep alone either. Been sleeping with lights on for the past few days, which I know of course that it's very wasteful. I didn't want that too. But the day is drawing nearer. When the lights are off, and my eyes are shut, those images just came flying back to me. It's really terrible.

Actually it's been like this since that day. I can say that I never really had a good sleep, be it sleeping in brother's room or my room. It's like those images just came back the moment I shut my eyes, daily. And I can't help but imagining things in the dark. It's going to be a year in a few days' time. Just how long does this have to go on?

I didn't tell dear a thing about this. So he probably thought I'm just afraid of the dark. I know this is a psychological problem. And I had, because of this, asked Yan Ling if she knows any psychology doctor. Things were really very bad back then. I didn't sleep a wink at all in the first week. Thought I would slowly forget about this but actually I couldn't do it. It's still bugging me till now. =(

I won't tell my family a thing about this because I know they'll say "what's there to be afraid of? He's your uncle. You're just thinking too much." I know, I know. I know I'm thinking alot. But what to do? I didn't want it too. It's a trauma to me.


20.03.2009

Brother asked me to sleep in his room suddenly. I know it's about the same matter. But anyway, I'm glad there's him. He didn't off lights when he sleep yesterday, and the day before, he slept with the television watching him. ~.~ Okay, we're really siblings. =X


21.03.2009

I just remembered it's the 21st today. Happy 1st Anniversary to 2nd brother and sister-in-law! =)


Five more days.. Will you be by my side?


Hopefully my dream comes true.
Hopefully dear could get a job soon, so he don't have to trouble for the next two years over the issue.
Hopefully things goes smoothly for us.
Hopefully we lasts.
Hopefully I get out of this situation soon.
Hopefully I can overcome this, soon.
Hopefully I can stay strong.
Hopefully dear don't get sick that often.
Hopefully brother gets his course.
Hopefully I stop my Asda Story addiction; I don't wanna be cooped at home anymore, too.
Hopefully I get less sensitive.
Hopefully.. hopefully...


One thing I'm very certain with - I love you.

Labels: 21/03/2008, 26/03/2008, Bored, Down, Love, Wishes

Life is so unpredictable.

I'm once again reminded of what happened again. Was lying on my bed, trying to get to sleep last night while waiting for dear to reach. Couldn't get to sleep, and thoughts came running to my mind again. I thought of you again.

I thought I had already slowly let go of what happened, but actually I haven't.

Those images are back, especially when I did certain action. I dread anyone doing that too, because it'll always remind me of what happened. But dear did it. Well, it's alright. He doesn't know anything about it. Those fears are back, but I didn't mention a word to dear because I know he'll get worry again.

And in a blink of an eye, it's going to be a year soon..

Labels: 26/03/2008

Holidays has started at last. And that would mean I'll bore at home throughout the three weeks. Actually I had tried looking for jobs for the past weeks, but three weeks are just too short for a job. Those jobs requires one to commit till Chinese New Year at least. I wouldn't be able to do that because I'll be busy once the school reopens, otherwise the second week of school.

So that will mean less time with dear and clique, and also less time for schoolwork. =( Worst still, accounts CA2's before the Chinese New Year. Damn, I won't be able to get good result this time.

Anyway, I'll be sure of make full use of this holiday. First and most important matter on hand is to get sufficient rest, then take good care of my face and diet. Hopefully by the time the school reopens, I'll be able to return to the past me where there ain't (much) pimples. Bless me please. purewhitey, please "bless" me! =X

Next, I have to buck up for accounts. I did very badly for this new topic. Even dear catches up fast. I'm so terribly disappointed in myself.

And lastly, I feel that I'm really into making cookies. Had just looked through one of the recipe books and I'm learning from the basics. Hah, didn't used to learn from basics because it was Mum who taught me how to make those types of cookies. And amazingly, I didn't feel bored reading them, which is a good thing I guess. =D Will look for more recipes then decide on one to make. And of course, will try out more cookies if it's successful. =) Would like to try on cake-making if it's possible.

I've been having double eyelid since I woke up this morning. Having a double eyelid for me implies that I'm either lack of sleep or I'm sick. But weirdly, I don't think I'm tired, neither do I feel sick. =X


I just remembered there's actually a television in my room! Hahs!


12.12.2008

School was rather short today. Had three hours of Smart Ledger in the morning and I'm already almost froze to death in the second hour. =X Went up to the classrom after that but had to wait for quite some time before we went in, reason being I'm still very cold. =X Only 11 of us turned up for the last lesson and teacher let us off early, giving us two chocolates each. Hah, thanks alot. I've been craving for chocolates these days. =) Oh, and thanks dear for the chocolate too. =)

Went Cineleisure for lunch yet again. Haas, three consecutive days. =X And dear owed me something! Humph!

Alright, so our reason for being there again is because dear wants to get the shirt that he tried the day before. I'm glad we went today because that was the last piece. We reserved that shirt and went up to look for something else. I tried on the dress that I took a liking to, as mentioned in the earlier post. Looked rather weird as I'm trying on with my school shoes. ~.~ Changed back to my uniform and dear paid for it. =\ Thanks dear, but don't waste so much on these again alright? Oh, and dear loves me! =D

Headed to that shop after that to get that shirt. While paying for it, we saw something and felt somewhat cheated. =\ Didn't that person said that was the last piece? Why was there another neatly folded one on the counter? Whatever.. Dear finally got his shirt. =) That means I don't owe him any shopping anymore. Yay! =P So.. I'll go shop for my clothes on my own. =D

To sum up the week, I spent quite alot of time with dear. Reason being he's starting work soon, so we won't get to meet that often. Work is more important dear. We'll meet three weeks later when school reopens alright? =P But this time round, it's me who won't be able to spend much time with you. =(


When I go silent all of a sudden, yes, there's something wrong with me.


I saw something when I searched for my tags for "busy" earlier on. The last post for this was on 26.03.2008. And it was posted just before I came over for dinner...

Labels: 26/03/2008, Bored, Cookies, Disappointed, Down, Holidays, Stressed, Studies

Yay! My Alonso and Gerrard really scored as predicted! =D

Just came home from dinner. Ain't feeling well. Headache started as early as 4pm, and hasn't subside till now. Don't feel like resting too. But I know dear will scold me. =X Hmm, I know what.. I'll keep dear in the dark for the moment till he comes and spy on me. This way, I'll be able to have more TV time. =D

Sis-in-law told me that it's highly possible that I don't have to make the video already. Oh well. But I'll still explore the program for the sake of myself. My interest I mean.

Off to TV. Hopefully I'll be alright when I wake up tomorrow. Oh, and younger brother's "dragging" me for breakfast tomorrow. =( Aww.. There goes my sleep again. And my much-needed rest.


I thought of you all of a sudden. =(

Labels: 26/03/2008, Football, Sick

Memories of Babylon2

=)

Actually that's what I wanted to post up the other day, but due to my short-term memory, I always forgot to do that. =p Anyways, I did that on the day where those two Temasek Polytechnic students came. Quite some time ago I think.

purewhitey is so cute right, right, right? =D I love the one taken alone at Perion. Hmm, the cutie Holy Arrow-ing with the England football jersey on looks nice too. =P I miss my bunny slippers.

Dear, look at the one with Rudolph. Mark of Beta leh! =P

Oh, and I love the one with lion (Tylionde001)'s conversation. I cropped out that picture. Nice nice. =)


90 days.. and counting...


I dreamt of you, yet again. And as I was about to leave NTUC for the station today, I heard the song "值得" being played. Had thought of you immediately. Sammi Cheng was your favourite singer. I still remembered you having another of her song "如果我是你" as your ringtone too. That was years ago already.

Labels: 26/03/2008, Babylon2, MapleSEA, Reminiscence

Dreams are premonition of what will happen. Indeed.

I was just telling him about that this morning. And something really happened. Have been ignoring him since then. I need time.

Certain things he said and did today just makes me thought of someone. vodkaa. Don't ask me why, because I don't know why either. Argh. Can I not be so weak?! I've already promised myself not to cry infront of him anymore. Yet I did that again today. But he probably didn't notice it. I couldn't forget what teared me. He was saying, "who else could that person be, if I don't treat you well?" (ignore the poor phrasing) I know I shouldn't behave this way, but at that point, vodkaa just came into my mind.

Why, why am I getting more and more low confident? I know there's nothing between the two of them, but I really don't know... I just tend to think alot when I'm down, especially when I'm not talking. And actually this isn't the only time I thought of her. It's like I'll thought of her whenever we're having problems. I need some time alone, and I wanted to go shopping. But I know he won't allow that, or probably if he did, he'll follow me. I don't know. So came home straight, changed and off to bed - just wanted to put a full-stop to this.

I'm not angry you know. Okay, if you think I'm angry, well, then I'm angry with myself. Why am I making a fuss over something that doesn't happened? But do you know your words/action in class just hurts me..? And no, I've no wish to invade your privacy.

He's trying hard to pacify me, yet I just ignored him. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have treated him that way, but.. I really don't know... I just feel like killing myself at that point.. for bringing him so much pain.

I know he's tired of these, especially after how I treated him today.

I really hate myself.

I thought our relationship are already strong enough to withstand all these, but that was just my wishful thinking. I seriously need to reconsider. I don't make a good girlfriend. Everything seemed to change after we got together.

And ya, I truly understands this - 不要等到失去后，才懂得珍惜.


Have been listening to Jay Chou's 说好的幸福呢 like repetitively for the whole day. Really emo. And I cried. For no reason.

Labels: 26/03/2008, Down

24.08.2008

Went factory and saw second sister-in-law, like finally. It's been ages since we last met. And I miss her loads. We had loads to catch up. Through the conversation, I realised that I'm really gullible. Shan't mention what it is. I'm glad there's a beauty advisor in my family.


28.08.2008

Went Cineleisure for movie - 4bia. I wore that off-shoulder top and had initially thought that it was kinda revealing. But on second thought, that's actually nothing as compared to what I wore during my birthday. Or perhaps what I wore during second brother's wedding.

Okay, anyways.. That's a very nice show, ain't it, dear? =x I came home and recommended the show to that dear brother of mine. Now, I can't wait to see his reaction when he watched the movie. lolx. I'm very bad, ain't I? =p

And speaking of the movie, I was reminded of you once again when I saw one of the scenes. That's already the second time. The first time was Money No Enough 2. I don't wish to have a third time. But that isn't possible...


29.08.2008

I'm once again a bad girl. Like last year, I skipped school today. And likewise, I didn't laze around at home. I did revision questions for accounts. And I'm really glad to have completed them all. I'm still itching for more I guess, because I'm still not very confident with accounts. Okay anyways, guess I'll be doing costing next. Won't be touching on taxation that soon because it's making me mad. =S - stressed.

Oh by the way, mum seems to be hinting something... I don't know.. Am I thinking too much?

Labels: 26/03/2008, Movies, Stressed

It's exactly five months since you left. While others have already got over it, I'm still here struggling. I went Bugis yesterday. Was somewhere near that place. And there I remembered all about that day - 21 March 2008 - again. I remembered the spot where you parked your car and waited for us that day. And as I looked over the street, I remembered that spot where we bought ice-creams. It's your treat, and you didn't want any.

I still have phobia of your room. =( Just that day, when fourth uncle hasn't got home. No one's in the living room. And your room (now fourth uncle's) was pitch dark. I didn't dare to go to the kitchen. Because I'll have to pass by your room. I'll start imagine stuffs again, you know?

Why does it have to happen?

Sigh. Just when will I be able to get over it? =(

Help please~

Labels: 26/03/2008, Reminiscence

Went for movie yesterday and I somewhat regret going. Two of the scenes reminded me of you. And I almost teared as I watched the second scene. It was quite similar to what happened. Everything just came back to my mind again. I'm still missing you loads...


Thanks dear, it was sucha sweet day yesterday. =)

Labels: 26/03/2008

` 29.07.2008. Finally, the day has arrived. Congrats, brother XP Freeman on regaining his freedom! Aren't you touched by that mini-cake we bought for you? =D

` Two days, two accidents at around the same spot. How coincident could that be? I'm beginning to feel that that area's a cursed ground already.

` Went Plaza Singapura yesterday as I was feeling real down. Thought I would spend a lot like last Tuesday, but I end up going home empty handed.

` I was walking home from the bus-stop on Monday, when I saw a man walking like the way you did. I miss you.

` Third uncle came over on Sunday and I overheard the conversation between Mum and third aunt. It really surprises me that, Mum actually didn't object my polytechnic dream. Thanks Mum! I love you! x3

` I realised Cruz Teng loves Milk （葉乃文） a lot. I never fail to hear Milk's song being played during Cruz Teng's programme.

` Was chatting about radio programmes with Mum last night. Mum said she had recently listened to a programme hosted by Marcus Chin. And she just ignored the presence of others and laughed out when Marcus Chin said something funny on air. The egg seller infront of her stall saw her and gave a weird expression. She must be thinking that Mum's crazy to have started laughing out of a sudden. LOL! And this has brought me to think about what I've gone through, too. Both Cruz Teng and Pei Fen are always saying funny stuffs on air. Of course, I couldn't hold back my laughter, too. And mind you, this happens in train majority of the time. Ahh, thinking back, I felt so awkward man.

` Fan MSN-ed me yesterday and told me that she thought of having a guild gathering. This certainly brought back loads of memories. Oh ya, speaking of guild gathering. I remember there was a gathering before. For both Babylon and Babylon2 mates. That was in 2006, around Chinese New Year period, if I remember correctly. Lion, as the guildmaster of guild 2, did go of course. There's HeroQun, too. Haas, speaking of qun, I remember lion often said both qun and I have got something in common. That is, we're always afk! LOL! I didn't expect that to be the last gathering for our guilds. Now, I really regret for not attending. I so miss Babylon2. The good old times. Sigh. Come to think of it, I've already quitted Maple for 11 months. Wow. And I've not played any games since. So can you see how boring I am? =S

` Oh wow! I didn't know Robbie Keane's a Liverpool fan!

Labels: 26/03/2008, Babylon2, Reminiscence, Yes 933

CAs are over, and new topics has started. I'm only able to cope with Accounts so far. Taxation's so-so. But Costing's killing me. It's already four days, I think. And we've completed the topic today. Yet I still know nothing about the new topic. I'm so disappointed with myself. I'm getting really stressed up, or should I say I'm already stressed. Out of the four days, there were twice where I got so stressed to the extent that I almost cried. I bet no one feel my struggle. Things going real slow for me. Urgh! I really feel like giving up... Can I?

I was looking at brother's wedding photos just now. I saw your photos. And what's next, I think you should know..

Yes, I do hate myself now.

Labels: 26/03/2008, Stressed

Yes 933 played Daniel Chan's song when I was on the way to school this morning.
I thought of you, yet again.
I feel like crying as I listened to the song, but I couldn't. Because I was in the train.
I was baking cookies yesterday.
When I looked into the oven, I thought of that day when you were cremated.
I miss you so much.

I really hate myself for being so weak.
Can I be stronger?

Labels: 26/03/2008

Just visited darling's blog and saw her post on "when losing someone, the person tends to regret". Yea, you're right. I thought of you again.

I was all alone in the lift when I got home earlier on. It was that lift. Memories just flood back. And I cried. I walked back to my room after I had my shower. I looked into your room. It was dark. That sight's back, again. I'm sorry, but I'm still as terrified as before.

I've accepted the fact that you're no longer here. However, I still can't seem to get over what happened.

I miss you loads. =(

人，总是在失去后才懂得珍惜。
Why must it always be like this?

Labels: 26/03/2008

I was so blur yesterday. I didn't know Wei Ming was standing near to me in train to school, until he walked towards me. Coincidentally, sister-in-law was in the same bus as me on the way home. And I didn't know about it until she tapped on my shoulder while approaching traffic junction.

I don't know why, but I don't seem to be my usual self yesterday. And I seemed to have lost my appetite. Mum had fried prawns last night. It's one of my favourite dish and I'm supposed to eat quite a lot. But then, I had only eaten 3 of it. In addition, second brother was home yesterday. And he bought durians, too. However, I wasn't at all interested.

The same goes for today. As usual, I don't take breakfast. I didn't eat anything for lunch since I was feeling full. But how could that be possible, isn't it? And just now, I forced myself to finish up my dinner since Mum was around. I don't know.. It's just so weird. Even Pei Er calls me a weirdo, too. Hmm, okay. I don't deny alright.

I thought of you, yet again. I did one of the questions for costing yesterday. One of the figures I got was 4572. I don't know why, but I just thought of your handphone number. You know, I almost teared again. Uncle told me to check out his lappy as he's encountering some problems. Yea, so I walked in to the room. Again, that sight's just back.. And I'm just so terrified. I miss you so much.. =(



Someone mentioned your name today. And I saw you after the last lesson ended. But somehow, I no longer feel anything. Well, I guess I've got you out of my mind completely. I thought I'd take quite some time. But.. I don't know.

Labels: 26/03/2008