Am really disappointed max.

I'd expected you to say nasty things, that's why I never wanted to put you as a referee.

Now that I've a company that really wants me, and that I'm really keen on, I've no choice but to provide your contact. Either one of you, I know the outcome won't be a positive one.

And the chance just had to slip by like that.

Sighs.

Labels: Disappointed, Feelings

Thanks uh. You've once again proved that to me.

Labels: Disappointed

Okay. So, the results for the bridging course has released. Well, to be honest, though I know it would be released in July, but I didn't expect it to be this early. I'd actually happened to chanced upon it when I "itchy hand" and went to clicked on "Academic Profile" after logging in to the Student Portal.

And so, I so happened to see a "Pass" indicated for my Econs module, which is like a WOW. lol. Seriously, I didn't expect myself to pass this module because I've always been weak in this and didn't have much confidence actually. Went to double-check and indeed, I really managed to secure a pass for Econs! Now, that's really something to be happy about! :)

But wait, Econs ain't the only module I took for the bridging course. There's still the Maths module. Okay, to be very honest, I had more confidence in Maths than in Econs, and I'd expect to have at least passed the module. But hell no. I went to select the module and saw a "Fail". Depressed much.

Passed 1/2 modules for exemptions. Supposed to be able to complete the whole degree course in 2 years, but with only 1/2 modules passed, I can't help thinking - now what? No doubt, it has left me dangling there pondering if this is really what I want - I mean, if this really suits me? Studying a degree just for the sake of its reputation?

Actually to be honest, even after doing the e-course registration last month, I'm still asking myself - is this really what I want? Well, I've been evading this question mainly because I've paid so much for the bridging courses and if I were to change my mind, wouldn't I be wasting the money I've spent thus far?

I'd actually went for interviews for the past few days, and once again, each interview I went, they've all advised me not to go for UOL. Their reaction (from how I interpreted) were like, UOL ain't that good, I shouldn't be considering that. I was like, "uh, how come? Shouldn't a UK degree be more recognised, and more "heavy-weight" than RMIT, UniSIM degrees?" I REALLY thought all employers thought so, until the first I went, actually advised me to go for RMIT instead. And the third one, to UniSIM. So, the conclusion? They don't really care about UOL. Am I right to say that?

So, once again.. Now what?

Sighs.

Labels: Disappointed, Down, Stressed, Studies

Alrighty. I'm back to continue my final post for 2011. So how's 2011 for me? Lots of ups and downs I'd say. And it all start right from the beginning of the year.

January

Just a week before Uncle Peter passed away, on 10 January, I was out with Mum and brother to shop for CNY stuffs when we received a phone call from Uncle Peter's buddy, Uncle Koh. He told us that Uncle Peter wants to give up fighting already, and wants us to give the go ahead for him. Of course, we weren't agreeable to it. And he seemed to have given up the thought a few days later. However, his condition turned for the worse during this period. Fever not being able to subside and internal blessings occurred. Breathing became very difficult for him and at times we were very afraid he'll be leaving us. I'm really afraid of receiving phone calls from brother when I was in school. Because a phone call spells bad signs.

We were all taking turns taking care and staying by Uncle's side from Friday to Sunday during that week. Breathing worsen many times but Uncle seemed to breeze through. Worsen again just before we left the hospital on Sunday night. However was alright after some time. For the very first time, I didn't mute my phone because I was really afraid Uncle might not survive through. All the way till I woke up for school, no phone calls from 3rd uncle who was accompanying him at the hospital. So I thought, no news = good news. Had planned to accompany him after my lesson on Monday. Then at 8.45am, Mum phoned and told me what I had planned too. At 9.10am, another phone call. This time, it was brother. He told me to get to the hospital. I thought I could still see Uncle Peter. But he last breathed at 9.19am, when I was hailing a cab. I couldn't assure him in time that he need not worry about grandma - the person he worries most. No promises could be made. And this really saddens me. Nothing could describe how I'm feeling. Even till now, it still aches me bitterly. Never in my life have I cried so terribly, not even when Uncle Mao passed away three years ago. 17 January 2011. That was the worst day of my life. This is definitely a very big blow to me.

My only regrets are not visiting you him often enough, and not giving him the assurance that I wanted to. :( Till now, I still can't accept the fact that he's left us. I really don't understand why such thing had to happen to such a great person like him. I really don't understand.

Dedicated a post to Uncle Peter on Facebook the night before we send him on his last journey. And that was when I 'sort of' return to Facebook.

But grandma's been well during the period of Uncle Peter's absence. I know for sure, Uncle's been looking after grandma up there. Right, Uncle Peter? :)

Oh yea, I did managed to fulfill something though. I've finally brought grandma out for exercise last Saturday. Though only once for the whole of 2011, but it's still better than none, right? =x

真的好想你。

-----------------------
Posted about the heartbreak as well, and seeking forgiveness from the besties about my MIA. I suppose my family really did somehow found out about our patch. Heard from brother that it's also due to this that Uncle don't feel safe to leave what he's left with, with me. Hmm.. even Uncle also knows that jerk's unreliable, and is likely to con me of my stuffs. Well done, Uncle! But your niece's ain't stupid, hor. ;)

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March

Went Taiwan for a holiday, like finally. This trip definitely came at a time no better than this. Following the heartbreak, Uncle Peter passing away, as well as the stress over studies, this getaway is definitely a very much needed one. Oh, and this is the first oversea trip after like nine years?! Excited to the max can! ^_^

It was a 10-day trip to Taiwan and mind you, Taiwan's a really great place to visit! Totally fell in love with Taiwan and can't wait to go again! ^_^ Oh yea, did I mention seeing some handsomes over there? My xiao wei and alishan~~ Ahhhh!! Wonder if I can still get to see them when I travel next year. But luck's not with me, because my camera, or rather, the SD card died on me on the second or third day. I didn't know at all, and continued snapping around. Came back and checked the photos, could only retrieve a lil portion of it. Damn sad-ed, you know? Moreover, my alishan's gone too! Sad to the infinity can! I not only snapped pictures of him, but I also took a video of him singing. Like, what the hell! :'(

Luggage overloaded. Could be because it's my first trip there - lotsa things to buy. lol. So lesson learnt - I'm opting for 30kg for the trip next year. I'd rather pay a lil more for now, than paying so much more should I really exceeded the limit.

-----------------------
April

Met up with the besties, like finally. We met on April Fool's, did we? A lil awkward too, because I haven't met them for so long. And I feel really bad for MIA-ing. Sorry gals. I'm really thankful that they didn't give up this friendship. <3 Anyway, it's bowling session that day. It's my first time too.

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July

Got back the Common Test results and I'm really disappointed in myself. I failed Managerial Accounting module, not by 1 or 2 marks, but by a relatively big margin. Made a grave mistake and it cost me dearly. Was so disappointed that I 'blamed' my ancestors for not blessing me no matter how sincere I am. And thus followed by blaming them for not blessing Uncle Peter when he's even more sincere than I am, and a very much better, filial person than I am. I know I shouldn't do that, but I just can't help myself, especially after Uncle Peter was rewarded leukemia with sincerity. I'm so sorry, ancestors. But now I know why they don't bless me. Mum just told me the other day that my grandfather didn't used to like me when he was still around. He was more of the traditional type - favours boys over girls. So, that probably explains why? Hmm.. But I'm glad grandma's not like my grandfather. I heard she loves girls. No wonder she dotes on me so much. And even till now, she's always looking for me. Like, there was once when I got home late and she didn't sleep because of that. x_x I'm still like a lil girl to her. She's always asking me to eat when it's dinner time, like so afraid I'll go hungry. Haa. Grandma, I love you. <3

Anyway, even till now, it still pricks me whenever I heard of people getting leukemia. It'll just remind me of Uncle Peter.. The suffering he'd gone through.. The life taken away. Why, why such a healthy person like him had to suffer this? But I thank God for not taking Uncle Peter away from us so fast. He managed to survived through a period of seven months, when the doctor had estimated a period of two to three months.

-----------------------
Another thing. I went for a concert for the very first time of my life! Like, WOW! It's the Korean Music Wave 2011 and I'm so amazed. All thanks to my cousin, who came for a holiday with 3rd aunt and and her brother. My cousin's a truly Korean-craze. Haa. And it so happened that this concert falls within the period they're here. She wants to go so badly, and aunt got me to accompany her.

Actually I'm not that keen in going, because the concert so happened to fall on the same day as Aaron Yan's autograph session at IMM. However, she won't be able to go if I don't agree. So yep. Was really disappointed that I couldn't attend Aaron Yan's thought. :( But anyway, the concert was an experience for me, allowing me to see so many bands at one go, like U-Kiss, FT Island and the likes like Big Bang and 2NE1. Okay, I admit I'm really afraid Big Bang might sing a song, but thank goodness, guess that song was quite some time ago, so they didn't sang it afterall.

Thanks, cousin. You made it possible for my first. :)

-----------------------
August

This final semester before the internship was really hectic. Totally no life, I'd say. Imagine coming home from school everyday, bathed and had dinner, then up next - sit infront of laptop to do projects. Well, that's been my life for the past six months of the semester. And when I said 'everyday', it's really everyday. Sometimes I really wonder why in the world did I put in hell lotsa effort, when the rest only put in so little, and gotten the same reward. Hard work definitely don't pay off. And this applies to friendship as well. Polytechnic friends to me, are just hi-bye friends. They aren't, and don't make good confidante. And if unlucky, you'll end up being a tool to them. That's my case, probably?

The way they, or rather, she treat me. And she still dare to say I'll surely be MIA after graduation. Hello? You don't know me well definitely. Family, to me, comes first. And friends' up next. Alright? I do cherish friendship alot. And they way you treat me really makes me feel like MIA-ing, too. So what, if I appears during the meet out? I'll always be the one who's being leftout, no matter what. And so what, when I'm always the one giving? You approached me for help, I'll always give all out. Yes, I do, no matter you're close to me or not. But end up? It's just fruitless. Would you appreciate it? No. Well, I guess no matter what I do, the treatment will still be different between us. If so, why don't you jolly well get her to help and just leave me alone?

Everytime I suggested / planned something, you'll disagree. But when 'she' suggested, you'll agree straight. Well, if you don't like my suggestions, then jolly well tell me. Asked me for suggestions, and when I suggest, you don't wanna take it. What do you take me for? Leaving me out is already good enough. And you still had to treat me this way. Oh, and I'm sorry, I seriously don't like the idea of 'her' going Taiwan with us.

I'm sorry, but this ain't the friendship I'd hoped for. Friendship to me, is all about being able to laugh and joke around together. I didn't want to elaborate so much actually, but I just needed a gateway to pour everything out. And my blog, is the best way to do so.

-----------------------
September

Start of internship. Got into this company very unexpectedly. Was given the option to choose the companies and field that we wanna enter into. However, this company wasn't in the list. Was told that this company actually sent in the application late, hence the omission. I was thinking, since there weren't any company that interests me, I decided to choose the ones with very high pay, so there won't be a chance of me getting in. lol. Then, as expected, out of the six choices given, I did not get into any of it. The in-charge then allocate IRAS to me. However, she phoned me a week later and told me there's openings for this company and asked if I wanna take up the offer. I was like, WOW. Reason being, this company has been the one that I've been wanting to get in since Secondary 4. That was the first accounting firm that I heard of, which probably explains why the feeling for the firm.

So talking about the internship, I didn't learn much actually. Or should I say, it's too complex for me. This department's not what I wanted to enter. However, am glad that the seniors are all nice people. The executive's director a Dutch. Very, very nice and friendly person. :) However, he'll be leaving the company soon. :(

-----------------------
October

"Quarreled" with one of the poly mates over the Taiwan trip. Thankfully, all's solved. Also went to my very first Dinner & Dance. But not able to wear nice nice though, because my seniors decided to follow the theme. :(

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November

Am showing signs of happiness. Somehow. My days will just be brightened up the moment I saw him. However, the timing seemed to have messed up totally and I could no longer see him. I don't like this feeling really. :( Why in the first place gave me the chance of seeing him, yet take back after awhile? I'd really rather I don't see him at all in the first place. No hope = no disappointments. And now, just because of that short period, I'm always so looking forward to seeing him, but ended up in disappointments and disappointments in the past month. And I suppose, there won't be a next again. Sighs. Such things always happen to me, no?

-----------------------
December

Went for marathon like finally. Conquered 10km for the timing of 1:23:41. Glad to have achieved such good result, which was also below my target of 1 hour 30 minutes. Also surpassed my 2007 result by an hour. :) And by the way, Mum was so cute can! She told me to keep the running singlet as a "souvenir" and not use it, because it's unique due to the different design every year. lol.

Bought the camera at last. Not DSLR though, due to some issues. Second time back to that place to purchase the camera after September. Actually I'm already numb, but somehow upon reaching, and saw the familiar places, I teared suddenly. Told sis-in-law about it, but well. All I wanted to say is, not everyone take the same time to recover.

-----------------------
Well, to sum-up everything. I'm really glad he's off my mind at last. Yeah, sort of. Should say, I'm already numb (no feelings) to his name. But his name and that place irks me still. And I'm still on the road to recovery. Hopefully by the time the future one comes, I'll be able to visit those places I detests with him happily.

For those who said this to me, "it's so long already. don't think about him can already." Well, as mentioned earlier, the period of recovery differs. One thing I'd like to say - I did not think of him. Everything just occurred naturally. As an emotional person and one who puts too much feeling into the relationship, if I say it doesn't pricks, I'd be lying. I think I'm already showing good progress to have come thus far. Perhaps for you, your recovery is fast. But hey, that doesn't mean everyone's the same as you. I hope you get what I mean.

Labels: 17.01.2011, Concert, Disappointed, Emo, Family, Feelings, Friends, HS, Internship, Marathon, Memories, New Year, Promise, Reflection, Regrets, Sigh, Stressed, Studies

In a really sucky mood.

Seriously, why am I always being treated this way? You come to me when you need my help, and you ignore me (and my presence) when you no longer need my help.

Am I merely a tool?

This has been an on-going problem since polytechnic days. No matter what I did or how hard I try, nothing fruitful seems to come out of it. Rather, it always end up the same thing - being used over and over again; just like a shoe - thrown at one corner whenever it's unwanted.

Often, I asked myself - why am I being such a fool over and over again, to give all out when they approached me for help, knowing that I'm not being appreciated? And if I don't help, they'll say I'm selfish. When I help, I'm just being used by them.

Enough is enough. Stop taking advantage of my soft-heartedness, will you?

Being soft-hearted really kills, which brought me to such an ending in a relationship. And now, it's friends, or rather, just mates.

I'm really sick and tired of this.. to the extent I no longer want to travel to Taiwan with them. "Them". In the very first place, I'd only asked one person. And she went to ask the second, then third and etc, which made me totally fed up, especially when things are going this way now.

"Someone" said I'll most likely be the one who goes MIA after graduating. I was very affirmed that I won't all the while, until now. Let me tell you now - yes, I will. It was never my intention to do this, rather, it was the undoing of you people which gave me that thought.

I'm really on the verge of breaking down.

Can't I just stop being a busybody to help them? Why must I always go all out? Why can't I just give 50% (or lesser) of it?

Labels: Disappointed

Hate myself. Hate the world. Pray and pray and pray. Pray so much also no use. Won't even bless me at all. Fking disappointed.

Labels: Disappointed

I'm sick and tired of it too. Dammit. You can jolly well voice your unhappiness right before me, instead of typing there. Simple as that, ain't it? Seriously. You've been picking on me every now and then recently.

Well, if it's about project, I can tell you. Isn't it a norm that we do editing as we deem fit? I mean, editing each others' work is the final step before wrapping up, ain't it? Moreover, I'm merely pointing out what I think, without the intent of degrading your work. Whatsmore, you were the one who doubted your own work in the first place. Surely, you don't wanna lose out on all possible marks, do you? If you don't want me to touch your work, simply say so. What I did, was with the intent of doing what's best for the group. I was merely rephrasing and summarising your work. I did not at all remove anything out of it.

I always do projects with the thought of contributing as much as I could. As for now, I only regret not contributing much to the MA project, for which I'm really disappointed in myself and felt that I've let myself and the group, especially MR, down.

If I can, I will do it. But if I can't, I'll admit it honestly. Plain simple.

One last thing. Stop putting words in my mouth. Dammit. You don't like people doing that to you. So do I !

This is yet another disappointment again. Thought it has turn for the better, but again, it was but a facade. FML. Yes. Seriously.

Labels: Disappointed

Feel that I did not do my best. That was what a stupid mistake that one could make. I SWEAR that I was actually very confident of this paper, until I realised what a stupid mistake I've made. I know how to tackle that problem, and I even went through that part over and over again yesterday. Dammit, I suspected there was problem, yet I didn't even bother to check, and instead slowly went to draw lines. What a stupid fool I was, isn't it?

It's really disappointments after diaappointments. Have I given myself too high expectations?

Labels: Disappointed, Exam

Two assignments due noon tomorrow. Did majority of my part in school earlier on. Should've continue plus do some touch-up on the assignments after I got home. However, my mood was totally dampened looking at what you wrote. Seriously don't feel like doing anything and wanna rot on my bed instead. Can I just leave the assignments as they are, and let anyone that's concerned to wrap up everything? I'm really tired..

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Seriously, I really think both I and he are one hell of poor people (or rather, tanker for projects, as one schoolmate suggests). Wrap-ups are always left for us to do, with us completing only in the early morning. I really felt unjustified at times. One word from you all - tired - and that's it. Tired means not bothering about the projects and assignments anymore, leaving us to do the final works which usually stretches till late in the night. Sure, you do contribute in the earlier works. But can't you see there's always lots to do for the wrap-ups? Hello? There's always an exception. You're tired, but don't I? But despite that, I still force myself to stay awake and finish up everything. Probably you'd think there's surely someone in the group who's very concerned about the works, that's why you can leave everything as it is. One word - pissed. Yes, I'm so totally pissed off, especially with I-shall-not-mention-who. Damn. You'll never know how hard it is to do all these shits.

That's life, I know. I'm bursting. I just wanna rant it all out in the only personal space I have.

3.08am, 27 May 2011 - Two assignments. Haven't even complete either yet. I've done whatever shits that's left, with the final part awaiting him. Task accomplished and off to bed now.

Labels: Disappointed, Down

Well, so this is what I get for being nice. If by pointing out your mistake to help you prevent loss of marks is an act of offending you, such that you had to hurl such crude remarks on me, thank you very much. You've made me realise what sort of person you actually are.

No matter how hurtful your words were to me, all I did were merely rant out my unhappiness. Never did I ever hurl such hurtful remarks. But you? Oh, so you mean you're the only one who can offend one with your words, while others who did it either intentionally, or unintentionally can't?

Perhaps whatever I does ain't pleasant to your eyes/ears. Whereas, what some other person did were all pleasant to you. I don't know if you're really that ignorant that you didn't know you hurt me with your words very often, or you were merely acting blur.

No matter how unhappy I am, I'll always force a smile on my face. Probably that's the reason why you don't feel I'm offended and hurt by your words?! Anyhow, that still don't justify such treatments. My silence doesn't mean nothing. You're too insensitive to my feelings. I may be always joking around and laughing with you, but mind you, I've feelings and I do get hurt too.

I really find myself stupid at times. I always go all out when it comes to helping others, especially you in recent times. Despite the fact that you often hurt me with your words, I still forget about them and help you if it's within my means. But this is the "kindness" I'm returned with?!

So these are what I deserved, for being sucha kaypoh, eh?

Since these are what I'll get, I guess, I'd better keep my mouth shut from today. And when that happens, don't act ignorant and ask why I'm so quiet again. And when I don't share, don't ask me why either.

I'm sick of all that, really.

Fake friends. So that's the definition of it. Thanks for defining it for me.

Labels: Disappointed, Down

So, school has started for a week. It was rather heavy as a start, I'd say. This is especially so for Friday, where we had our very first tutorial, followed by two CLSP lectures, all thanks to the public holiday which falls on the following Friday. Had three hours' break in between, where we decided we should make full use of the time - mass printing of notes.


Alot, ain't it? It'd cost a bomb if I had them printed at home. And, look at the very first piece - ink consuming, freaking. It'd be really crazy to have them printed at home. Had problem printing this file though. Guess the file size is too big or something. But thank goodness I managed to figure out the trick. It's kinda taxing, but worth the effort definitely.

School aside, I've recently downloaded an application on my phone. A kinda cute game I must say, lolx. Oh, and I'm lucky I guess, because I had the application downloaded free during the promotion period. Had wanted to download it for Mum earlier on, only to realised the promotion had ended. =X

Anyways, the application's called "Pig Shot". Saw the icon and dear immediately came to my mind, lol! =X Tried out the game, and *shakes head*, dear oops, I mean, pig pig is really dumb. ROFL! Pig pig kept bump into something, and ta-da! Game over! Dumb, dumb pig pig. *sighs* =X


"History" has once again repeated itself. And the cycle goes on and on. Hang on, I will. But for how long, I don't know..

Thanks dear, for lending a listening ear. ❤

Labels: Disappointed, LOL, School

25.08.2010

Out with dear for a movie. But before heading out, he had a mask session which ended up "peeling" off few of his eyebrows, lol. =X I'm sorry dear, I'll be more careful the next time. =P But thankfully, he had thick eyebrows, so those losses ain't that significant afterall. lolx.

Haven't been out to town for quite some time already. But despite the short trip, I still enjoy the day. =) Thanks dear! ❤

The movie, Step Up, was alright. But I kinda fell asleep at one part of the movie. It wasn't boring, but I'm just too tired after waking up so early for four consecutive days. =\ Well, noticed some changes to the mall after the movie. Something which caught my eyes immediately was a newly opened (I guess) bag store. Walked over and I'm glad it wasn't a wasted trip because I bought one bag. Hehs.

Something happened afterwhich, and I must've scared dear. =X Nevertheless, thanks dear, for the shoulder. ❤

Headed to basement and a store caught me eyes. Initially it was the drinks that caught my eyes, then I realised there wasn't anyone tending the store. Upon second looks, I noticed the name of the store - The Honest Store. Kinda innovative idea, I thought.


I really wonder how many people actually took and paid for the drinks. Anyway, I bought one of the drinks but I forgot to take photo as a proof. =(

Bought Famous Amos cookies afterwhich, and headed home.

While heading to bus queue on the way home, I was approached by a financial consultant from Prudential. Initially, he only requested to answer three questions, but he introduced the savings plan to me afterwhich, which is a rather "standard proedure". I've heard of savings plan like this before, but didn't dare to try out. And since I have the time, I've decided to listen to what he has to offer. Decided to sign up for it although I don't have implicit faith in such plan still. Afterall, dear always said, "if you never try, you'll never know". So here I am, trying out. =)

However, I feel really ashamed at myself because the financial consultant is of the same age as I am. He's already earning his keep at this age, whereas, I'm still here struggling to complete my polytechnic education. Sighs. That's partly the reason why I always refused to reveal my actual age when approched by them. So now you know, I actually do feel inferior to you, Mei Bao. =(

Labels: Cookies, Disappointed, Movies, Welfare

So.. this semester had come to a close already. It's quite a short term for this term due to the Youth Olympic Games. Quite a relaxing term as well, with no projects other than IS module's assignments. Didn't feel that stress for Business Communications this time round as compared to year 1, probably due to different approach used by Mr Taylor. He's just a great teacher who doesn't give us pressure, and gives us the flexibility to do our stuffs. It's a pity however, that this is his last semester with the school already. Thanks Mr Taylor! And all the best in your future endeavours! =)

Thanks LW, my psychology group mate, for always cracking jokes and stuffs. He's kinda like a middleman in our group because our group consists of a total of four persons where he's got the company of his friend, and I'm alone with another girl. The girl always skips lesson, hence making me the only girl in the group of three. So naturally, I'll feel kind of awkward. But it's really thanks to LW that I don't feel very uneasy with them. =)

Cost Accounting and Taxation were quite alright as of now. Haven't gone into revision yet, but hopefully there's nothing much that I'm unclear of. It's just gotta be "practise makes perfect" for these two modules. However, it's a pity that I don't think I could achieve an A for Cost Accounting due to the Common Test. =( As for Taxation, the questions are going to be quite long, as what tutor had mentioned. I'm really doubting myself if I'm able to complete it. This reminds me of something what my Cost Accounting tutor told us this week - "You don't seem to have confidence in your work. You'll just doubt yourself when others had different answers from you." So the bottomline is, you must have confidence in yourself, in what you did.

As for Finance of International Trade, I seriously can't see what's ahead of me. There wasn't a Common Test for this module, only project and surprise tests. So far, surprise tests were alright. As for project, it's disappointment. It's just too disastrous already. Why am I so stupid not to notice the last part is not related to what I analysed?! I'm really disappointed in myself. We could've secured an A if not for that. Sighs. Anyways, there's still joy in disappointment though. I'm just glad my work is being recognised. And now, I gotta buck up and revise through the work so I could clear my queries during the revision class.

"People who never fail are people who learn the least. Don't be afraid to fail. Grab the lesson, fight better!"

"Relax! Failure is a wake up call, for us to realize that we haven't done our best yet. Move up!"

Yea, these are so true! I'll be sure to bear these in mind.

Labels: Disappointed, Quotes, School, Studies

Life hasn't been a breeze for me since last week, or rather, since this semester. Isn't it just amazed to see how people have changed, so easily? Well, that's part and parcel of life. There's nothing you can do, and you just have to live with it. But how? I know myself well, that it ain't going to be an easy task for me. I admit I don't handle such situation well, too. Oh well, I'll just have to try to bear with it. I know and understand what everyone will say, but seriously, this isn't what can be done over a day. Time is the key.

Rather than forcing both of them to split, I should just retreat on my own. It's either take it or leave it. If no one wants to pair with me, I'm fine. I can do it on my own. That way, I don't have to beg - for partners. It's no difference whether I do it on my own or with the other partner-less person, since that person doesn't always do her work too.

Anyway, I realised there's no friends in poly that you're able to really confide in. To each his own. In poly, they only care about themselves. Otherwise, it's probably just a facade. With that, I'm seriously losing confidence in friendships.


I'm really sick and tired of all these shyts. It's really becoming a suffering and stress for me each time I go to school. Shouldn't students be happy going to school? Why then, am I not?

Labels: Disappointed, Down, Friends

I'm seriously sick of everything and everything!

Don't say I'm emo-ing. I'm not, alright?! It's all because you chose to treat me that way, which made you felt what you think I felt.

Very often, I felt that I'm just a tool, and a really stupid fool. I always allow others to make use of me, then got left out when I'm of no use.

Always pushed me to others. Have you thought, if this is what I want, whether I mind it or not? Have you respect me? No! You just do what you like. That's you. And it's bothering me so much.

Poured out part what I felt to dear yesterday. And today, I had to encounter this, which actually had been bothering me all along.

Things have come to this state and it starts to make me wonder, why do everyone behave such a way in polytechnic? It's just too ugly.

P.S. It's the third time of the week that I felt this way. And it's not the first time I blogged about this.

Labels: Disappointed, Down

At times I wonder, why am I so useless? I cared, and I'm concern. Wanna express myself, yet I just failed to do it.

So well, I'm actually moodless plus busy since last week and was practically busy going in and out of hospital to visit uncle for the past few days. So far so good, and hopefully this continues. Didn't visit uncle today though, because I need to finish up my school work. Had initially thought I'll only be able to complete them tomorrow, but I managed to finish them up just when the clock strikes 12. So yep, will be visiting uncle tomorrow.

Oh, and the "clever" me just figured out the laziest, yet economical way to get to the hospital - take bus 185 just downstair, all the way to Dover MRT Station, then transfer to the shutter bus. That way, I don't have to walk that much. Hehs.

It's the start of 2nd term yesterday, with a new IS module - Social Psychology. The teacher is an American and he's been nice so far. Humorous at times, and cracking cold jokes ocassionally. Anyway, reached home, and I just missed Mum and younger brother by 10 minutes. Told brother about it and he told me to cab down to the hospital. =\ Spent $14 for it and he said he would reimburse half of the cab fare to me, but I've not received the reimbursement up till now. -_-

Got back Taxation Common Test paper today. Results was okay, but I'm somewhat disappointed at how I fare. I would say it's not up to my expectation, and it's always "could have done better".

Oh, and to hell with the referee in Germany vs England match. Period.

Labels: Disappointed, Football

03.05.10

Elder brother is so sweet. =D Sister-in-law told me that they went supermarket the other day and when they were at the ice-cream section, she told brother that my favourite is Ben & Jerry's strawberry cheescake ice-cream. Then brother searched for it, but he couldn't find any in the end. That's really sweet of him, heh. Ya, brother, I know, we just don't show our care and concern. =P

As for today's lesson, it was erm.. fun. Well, teacher grouped us randomly and I ended up with two other guys. To describe one of the guys in my group, well, I can say he's jovial, crazy and fun. lolx. Really a crappy guy. Thanks to his craps, that I didn't really feel bored. lolx. Glad that I'm in this group because other groups seemed the serious kind.

Oh, and did I mention that I snatched two girls to my IS module project group? =D


Sister-in-law knows about us.


04.05.10

Disappointed, with regards to school. Period.


05.05.10

He sacrificed his sleep for me. *touched*


06.05.10

I'm just so disappointed to the max (with regards to school), and almost teared. But the thought of him gave me the strength to hang on. However, the feeling of skipping school is back, too.

That's just how serious this can affect me.


07.05.10

As mentioned last week, I brought my laptop for repair and was told that it'd take about four days. However, it's been more than a week and yet I've not received a call from them. Hence, I phoned them up just now and was told that they'll be changing the motherboard (yes, again) and keyboard, and it'll only be ready for collection next week. And I have an assignment which requires a laptop next Tuesday. =\

Labels: Disappointed, Down, Love, Sick, Troubled

Baked strawberry jam cookie the other day but Dad wasn't at home. Hence, when I was using computer this afternoon, Dad took the cookie and asked where I bought it from. lolx. *happy* Had good review from Dad, though I wasn't satisfied with the results. Well, that was my very first attempt in making this cookie. Disappointed that I still couldn't control the oven well. =( I know appearance ain't that important, what matters is the taste, but still.. =(

Was listening to songs in computer as I played games on iPhone just now. 为何你对我许下承诺 was being played and there's flashbacks immediately. It's as if I'm being teleported back to that day. =( Sigh, just how long will it take to rid of those unhappy memories? =(

I'm just so disappointed in myself that, I can't seem to do good planning. It's just so some daily routine, nothing special at all. And I know things turned out to be boring. =( What disappoint the most was probably the melted cake. First, was late - very. Next, cake was melted. Further ahead, wrong choice of movie. "Special celebration" indeed. =(

Labels: Cookies, Disappointed, Down, Past

Labels: Disappointed

PBL 1 has finally come to an end. I wouldn't say it was a successful one, because I'm rather disappointed.

PBL 1 is the fruit of my labour. If I were to gauge the effort I put in, it would be 95%. I'm actually quite confident ahead of today's presentation. However, to my horror, I found out a big mistake upon looking at other group's presentation. I actually overlooked the last part of the task. I believe that costs a lot. It's really painful.

I'm really disappointed in myself for causing the loss of marks for my group. How could I..? How could I make such a big mistake? I should have realised that when I wrote the script. But, I don't know.. I got no idea what came into me. I'm just blindfolded when it came to reading the last part. All I can say is, I'm really, really disappointed. I've put in so much effort, doing hell loads of checking and writing the script all on my own. It was really perfect in my eyes. But just because of my mistake, we've got to suffer a loss of marks, which costs dearly.

I'm such a failure. Really disappointed.

Self-consolation: I did my best.

Labels: Disappointed, Down