现在，人生对我已经没有意义了。。

是你给了我勇气再爱一次。。也是你，让我无法再爱、无法再相信爱。。

我的最爱，始终还是你。。

我已没办法再爱任何人了。。

我只恨我自己，为什么让你再踏入我的人生。。

你没错，最错，都是我。。

谢谢你的爱 （如果确实有在）。。

没了你，也没意义、没生存的价值。。

也没什么好留念的了。。


Dear, I don't know if you'll ever read this.. But you were the one who gave me the courage to love again.. But now without you, I don't think I'll have anything to live for anymore..

Without me, you're so much happier and without obstacles..

I'm sorry that I pestered you for so long.. I didn't want to do that at all..

Farewell.. And please take care..

I love you..

Labels: Feelings, Past, Thoughts

是成功了。

此刻的心情是很想和他分享，但。。。

Labels: Feelings

Am really disappointed max.

I'd expected you to say nasty things, that's why I never wanted to put you as a referee.

Now that I've a company that really wants me, and that I'm really keen on, I've no choice but to provide your contact. Either one of you, I know the outcome won't be a positive one.

And the chance just had to slip by like that.

Sighs.

Labels: Disappointed, Feelings

其实心里一直都有一个疑问。。而这也是我这些年来的致命伤。。

虽然那天真的有股冲动想知道，但我始终还是放弃了这个机会。

虽然说我是有强烈的感觉说我应该知道答案 （毕竟，女人的直觉是还蛮准的嘛），但我想，不问，我会过得开心些。

现在的我，只想重新开始。


或者，若你觉得我应该知道，而又不会影响到我的话，到了一个恰当的时候你自己把答案告诉我吧。我 ok。

放心，这个 post 没其他意思。就只想把这些年来的一些心里话说出来而已。

Labels: Feelings, Past

突然觉得人生没意义。

失业快2个月了，原以为终于找到好工作了，但到头来一场空。而现在，又要从头再来。

感情方面，以为幸福又回到我身边了，但想不到一波三折，也是一场空。

日子一天一天地过，而我的斗志力也一天一天地减弱。。

不知从几时开始，心情就一直这样低落。已经好久没真正地笑过了。。

为什么不幸的事总是发生在我身上？

为什么总只有我羡慕别人的份？

我想，应该没任何人像我这么失败吧？

突然觉得好无助。。做什么事都毫无意义。。已没任何目标可奋斗的了。。

我对我自己感到非常失望。。

Labels: Feelings, Thoughts

Happy 50th Birthday, Singapore!

Early morning, the roads are empty. No cars, very little people on the streets, and bus frequency were low.

Come noon time, crowds were getting larger.

As part of SG50, both SBS Transit and SMRT are providing free rides for its services for the whole of today.

The feeling of not having the need to tap the ez-link card was great. Thought I will not feel the shiok-ness, but end up I couldn't get enough of the free rides. Another 50 years to have such great thing again perhaps?

Labels: Birthday, Feelings, Singapore

It's the 2/4 day of the Jubilee Weekend. Having seen many going out to enjoy over themselves, I can only see myself a pathetic one staying at home.

And when your FDW asked about it, you know you're not going to feel good.

Sometimes, I can't help but feel loneliness overwhelmed.

How I wish..

Sighs.

Labels: Feelings, Holiday

Officially out.

11 days to 3rd anniversary in company. 1 month to 2 years in this project.

Much as I can't bear to leave partly because this project is my baby, I still have to.

And now, I've left them both. For good.

Am thankful to my juniors for being such sweet guys on my last day. *touched*

Thanks for appreciating to make me feel my efforts is not wasted. :)

Labels: Feelings, Thoughts, Work

21.06.2015

不知不觉，已经一个月了。。

我还是好想你、好爱你。。

我还会不时地想起你。偶尔，眼眶还会带点泪。。

为什么总是让我经历这些。。？

我真的好累、好累。。

Labels: Feelings, Hurt, Misses

And so, this spells the end of the spell for my intern for this project.

Glad that she's enjoyed her spell here, and managed to learn some stuffs. I'm especially thankful for her presence. If not for her, I would've been in extreme stress during these 3 weeks.

Also, glad that we clicked well too. Our characters are quite similar actually, and share some similar interests as well. The only thing is, despite us being introverts, she's more outspoken than I am. Sometimes made me doubt her introvert-erness because of this. Lol.

Received an appreciation message from her earlier on. This really makes me feel it's all worth it. Thanks xmm. :)

Labels: Feelings, Work

One message. Just one.

Just a one-line preview is enough to send me back to the past over these few days. The past.. which I had already let go of over time.

Thank you for coming back to "haunt" me again.

I've finally took the courage to read that message. It left me ponder what exactly you're thinking now.

And as for myself, I'll need some time to digest.

Till then.

Labels: Feelings, Thoughts

不知道为什么，但就有点害怕读那个message.

觉得奇怪。毕竟背叛的人是他，而不是我。

所以，到底有什么好怕的？

可能，就是担心会影响到我的心情吧。

Labels: Feelings, Thoughts

Seriously. Can you stop forcing me to do things I don't like?! You're not me, for goodness sake! I'm merely trying to put my words across that I want to do what I like; I won't be happy doing what I don't like even if the pay may sound good. What's the point, seriously?! And I got ridiculed, nagged at, and scolded, for wanting to do what I want?! Yeah, maybe for you, you can. But different people have different needs. I know clearly what I want. And yes, I'll never talk about this topic ever, with you again!

Labels: Feelings

As the clock ticks, and coming close to 12.30pm for the state funeral, even the sky is crying. And despite this, the people stand united despite the pouring rain. It's only the last thing we could do for the greatest leader of Singapore, Mr Lee Kuan Yew.

Labels: Feelings, Singapore

Was praying earlier on when I saw some old videos of Mr Lee Kuan Yew on the television. Was thinking then, "why did they suddenly telecast such videos, early in the morning? Mr Lee is still fine."

Then, as I walked back to my room after washing up, I see a very solemn news presenter. She announced, "we will be bringing news update of the passing of Mr Lee Kuan Yew." That was when I got to know of this very saddening news.. My heart, literally sank. He's gone.. He's really gone..

He spent his whole life building Singapore. A better Singapore. And now, the burden's off him. Mr Lee, today, Singapore has lost a great leader. But you're at  last being relieved of all these matters. You're now up there with your beloved wife. It's finally time to have a good rest after these 52 years of contributions.

您的一生，都奉献给了新加坡。若不是你，新加坡你可能变成今天这个繁华都市。我很庆幸我能生长在这个这么安全，又廉洁的家园。因为您的远见，新加坡才能有这样的成就。谢谢您。请安息吧。

If it weren't because of Mr Lee Kuan Yew, Singapore would not have become what it is today. Mr Lee, I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart, for all you've done for Singapore.

Rest in peace, 国父！

#ThankYouLeeKuanYew
#TributeToLKY
#RIPLeeKuanYew

Labels: Feelings, Singapore

It's the last day of the year again.

Unhappiness, stress, regrets.

That pretty much sums up my 2014.

The only best thing was, probably, promotion + increment. Well, actually weren't that great too.

Other than that, it's all nothing but unhappiness throughout.

Sighs.

With the arrival of 2015, let's just leave all the unhappiness behind.

2015 will be a better year for me, ya?

I definitely hope it will.

新的一年，新的开始。

期待明天（年）。明天（年）会更好。

Labels: Feelings, Reflection

谢谢Dear，让我重温之前的美好。:)

Labels: Feelings, Reminiscence

两年前的今天 :)

第一次在外见面、听你说说你的事。

Labels: Feelings, Reminiscence

没睡得很好，还一直梦见你。。但不管怎样，都不肯看一下手机。。直到刚刚，终于忍不住，才看了下WhatsApp。慢慢scroll，慢慢scroll，希望他们是在聊其他事。看到了第一行。。我最怕的事终于发生了。。辛苦你了，二姑姑。。一路走好。。我不会忘了你带给我们的欢笑。。对不起，没办法见到你最后一面。。

Was feeling very 心酸 when I saw you in the hospital on Thursday.. I almost couldn't call you because I was already holding back my tears, not wanting you to hear a teary-voiced me.. Thanks for opening your eyes to see us awhile..

Reaching this stage of life, the best thing would definitely be having your own family as well as family from maiden home to stay by your side. I know you're tired and been struggling. Thanks for waiting for Dad, Mum, Aunt, and Uncle to visit you..

I will never forget the laughter you brought.. Still remember, I'll always tease you by chasing you back home because you didn't bring my favourite agar-agar when you came over. And whenever I see the raisin butter cake when I'm back from work, I know, you were here. Then I went to the refrigerator to check if my agar-agar was there. Your agar-agar is definitely the best that I ever had. I'm sorry I didn't learn from you the other time. But I'll definitely miss such times we had.

Things are really happening too fast. From the day you were admitted till the day we got news of your diagnosis and that you'll be left with just 1 - 2 weeks, it's just barely 1.5 weeks only. And from the day we know you were left with just 1 - 2 weeks, it's merely 2 days.. Why, how could 1 - 2 weeks become just 2 days only?!? Things are happening just too fast...

RIP, 二姑姑...

Four kins in six years.. Just what is happening? :'(

Labels: Family, Feelings

Hmm. And so, what's the point of saying that only now?

Labels: Feelings